A Purposd Original

Trigger Boom

I was never afraid of your pain. I was afraid you’d recover from it.

By Chestney Hibbler · 9-minute read · Published August 2026

A Purposd Original

“Trauma doesn’t always look like falling apart. Sometimes it looks like knowing all the exits before you enter the room.”

“This reflection is written from the other side — so you finally know what you’ve been fighting, and why healing terrifies it.”

You probably don’t recognize me. That’s my favorite part. I rarely knock. I just let myself in.

A song. A smell. A street. A birthday. A text message. A certain tone of voice.

One moment… and suddenly you’re somewhere you swore you’d never visit again.

I don’t need permission. I just need a memory.

One tiny reminder… and I’ll build an entire prison around your mind.

I love making today feel like yesterday. I convince your heart that old danger is still standing right in front of you.

I make safe people feel unsafe. Loving people feel suspicious. Quiet moments feel loud. And peaceful nights feel like wars.

I whisper, “Remember what happened?” Then I conveniently leave out what happened after.

The healing. The surviving. The growing.

No… I don’t tell that part.

I replay the wound, but never the recovery. I’m clever like that.

I make one disappointment feel like everyone will leave. One betrayal feel like no one can be trusted. One failure feel like you’ll always fall.

I don’t need facts. I survive on fear.

Sometimes I disguise myself as wisdom. “I’m just protecting you.”

Sometimes I wear caution like a costume. “I’m helping you avoid getting hurt again.”

Sometimes I even sound like your own voice. That’s when I’m at my strongest.

Because if I can convince you that my lies are your thoughts… I don’t have to fight anymore. You’ll fight yourself.

Oh… I’ve watched dreams die in silence. Relationships end before they begin. People quit before they ever start.

Not because they weren’t capable… Because I reminded them of yesterday.

I don’t mind if you love God. I don’t even mind if you go to church. Just don’t let Him into the places where I live. Because that’s where my power ends.

You want to know what I hate?

I hate therapy that tells the truth. I hate honest conversations. I hate forgiveness. I hate healthy boundaries. I hate people who stop pretending they’re okay.

I hate when someone says, “That wasn’t my fault.” I hate when tears replace denial. I hate repentance. I hate grace. I hate the light because it keeps exposing where I’ve been hiding.

“I was never afraid of your pain.
I was afraid you’d recover from it.”

But do you know what terrifies me most? Healing.

Because healing doesn’t erase the memory. It removes my control.

The song still plays… but it no longer owns you. The street is still there… but you keep driving. The smell still lingers… but your heart stays steady. The name is still spoken… but your peace doesn’t leave with it.

That’s my nightmare.

Because I was never afraid of your pain. I was afraid you’d recover from it.

And once you do… I become exactly what I always was.

A reminder. Not a ruler.

🌸☀️ Heal. Grow. Become. — Purposd

“A reminder. Not a ruler.”

The Truth Beneath the Reflection

A trigger is not evidence that you haven’t healed. It’s evidence that something happened. The difference between someone trapped and someone healed is not that the trigger disappears — it’s that the trigger no longer runs the room.

Trauma’s greatest disguise is sounding like your own voice. When “I’m just being careful” is actually hypervigilance. When “I don’t trust people” is actually isolation. When “I’m fine” is actually numbness. Healing begins when you can tell the difference.

What trauma fears most is the light. Honest conversations. Therapy. Forgiveness. Boundaries. Grace. These are not weaknesses — they are the weapons that end its lease on your life.

Biblical Truth

“For God has not given us a spirit of fear,
but of power and of love and of a sound mind.”

— 2 Timothy 1:7 NKJV

Sit With This

1. What are your triggers — the songs, smells, names, or moments that pull you backward?
2. Has fear ever disguised itself as wisdom in your life? What did it convince you to avoid?
3. What would it look like for a trigger to become a reminder instead of a ruler in your life?

This space is for your private reflection. Your response will not be submitted or saved.

A Prayer for the Journey

God,

I’ve been fighting myself — and now I understand why. The voice I thought was wisdom was fear wearing a costume. The caution I thought was healthy was a prison I built to feel safe.

Give me the courage to let You into the places where the darkness lives. Teach me that healing doesn’t erase the memory — it removes the control.

Make me someone the enemy fears — not because I have no scars, but because I refused to let them become my identity.

In Jesus’ name, Amen.

Carry the Reflection With You

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